and folks, and am proud of my students, who have undergone challenges and growth during the pandemic.
The 2020–2021 school year was the worst year of my recovered life until I started HRT. The kids got me through. Kids, hardly, these young people have way more going on than I ever did at their age.
The students of this show were/are very special, a family for sure.
Two of the seniors (one lesbian/one transmasc) landed in my classes when they transferred to our little school from homo/transphobic schools. I don’t really behave like any teacher in the building, and have never been to “teacher” school, but hold advanced degrees in English and have an extensive theater background; queer/weird/coolasf people gravitate to my enrichment hours and extras. I affirmed the trans student from the get, and this kid started following me around, and the other student joined them. So, we vibed, these kids and I and made art and made fun of cis-het culture and talked about everything under the sun. The pandemic hit and I zoomed with them a few times, had them in online classes. Our school went back to in person in 2020, then closed, and then went back to in person in 2021. Through all that, kids ate lunch with a teacher, and these kids ate lunch with me. We got to know each other. We became family.
The universe has consistently put gender non conforming students in my classes and the overwhelming joy and love that fills me with can be very powerful. I am not planning on coming out to them until they are graduated.
Only after starting HRT did I realize how precariously close to suicide/relapse (aka slow painful suicide) I was for so long, and in those last painful months, my students saved me — not just the queer ones either — the questioning ones, the songwriters, the trauma survivors, the autistic.
Medical notes:
My testosterone has bottomed out and the breasts are doing their thing. I was worried about boobs at the start — hips I wanted hips — a fact that my denial used as a tool to keep from transitioning — as in: “What’s the point, HRT doesn’t grow hips — you might as well _______________!”,etc. Now, I love them.
On my year HRT birthday, I’ll increase to 4 mg, which should kick up body feminization a bit.
The awful dsyphoric noise? Nearly gone. Of course it comes back, but on most days I’m so fucking happy.
The emotional/cognitive benefits…god damn, that’s some good shit.
I get plenty of men trying to slide into my dms and spam me with their dick.
I’m having so much fun just existing.
