I don’t have to tell any queer/trans folx that our lives are in danger by rising Christian Nationalism.
Fuck them. There’s little to celebrate in the states, the mood is grim.
Transfolx must organize locally, safe houses, resources, these local networks may already exist or may have been atrophied or strengthened due to covid. We may have to get off social media at some point.
But we must first be joyful in our queerness and our journey. We have escaped dysphoria, addiction, trauma and inherited cultures to find happiness. Borrowed happiness, but happiness the same.
I feel, at 13 months and six days, that I am finally changing. My brain is completely different. The noise is gone. Anxiety and depressions are noticeably lessened. I’m happy stupid happy most days. I have friends. Trans friends. I have cis women friends who treat me as a woman. I have cis women friends who affirm me as a queer person, as a transitioning person. I’m very lucky. My spouse is growing on her own journey. I have hopes we will last. We will see.
I am ever greening out.
Physically, my hair is coming back, which fills me with joy. Enough to start growing it out. Finesteride and estrogen, and hopefully a topical spray. I massage it every day and every ten days use a natural oil thing.
I am maintaining a healthy weight and exercising. I am getting a whole new body and mind out of this. It’s wonderful. I am treating my body as a gift. A complete radical turnaround to my native state. It is remarkable.
I am a 36 C, which surprised me. I am have more of an idea of my size, so I plan on getting some dresses in the summer clearance.
Still sexually functional, for those wondering. Use it or lose it. Wink.
Have not started electrolysis. Yet. Goal, by end of summer.
So many chores to take care, it can get overwhelming if I look at it with a deficit mindset, which I was trained to. By everyone.
The facial changes are subtle but remarkable to me.
And then there are days when I don’t look any different at all. Or so it seems.
I draw stares. Most do not give me any mind. I carry a bag
Currently reading Audre Lorde for inspiration. Going to a PFLAG meeting in July to throw my queer shoulder to the wheel. I feel urgency to build a local network, if nothing but for myself and students and my colleague/bff.
In terms of social transitioning, completely turned (dead)name’s socials into work related socials. Am re-building my resume, my socials, from the ground up. It is thrilling.
I have some new work:
Two transformation poems in Twin Pies, a Twin Peaks themed review.
and some queer joy poems in this anthology issue on gender from Powders Press
https://www.powderspress.com/issues
and finally, a trans related love poem via a transporter beam, in the very cool Red Shirt Review, page 15, Trekkies
https://dailydrunkmag.com/2022/07/01/red-shirt-review/
Love each other. Stay safe. Get organized. Look to BIPOC and intersectional groups for support. Be willing to grow.
This is as much for me as it is for anyone, this urgency.
