Hello trans fam! Happy Saturday, caturday, sci-fi Saturday, or selfloveSaturday
Finally, finally, finally started Electrolysis (the upper case is for the looming doom and gloom about the process) which turned out to be pretty fantastic, despite the pain.
That upper lip. Because I tolerated pain so well, my electrologist focused on the upper lip. She played the Otis Redding station and I went into a fugue state. The upper lip hurt, no lie. Most of it was tolerable with topicals. Many use a nerve numbing agent. I used 4% roll on Lidocaine Icy/Hot applicator starting one hour before. It was easy to apply while driving. A half-hour before, I stopped and applied a 5% Lidocaine cream. I applied to thin layers across my face. I wrapped my face in saran wrap and tucked it into place and continued. She started on my upper lip to test my resolve and we continued. The middle upper, right under the nose, was the most painful. I endured. We took one fifteen minute break and we worked from 8-noon.
Mentally, I imagined I was on a mountain top with flowing hair, and I screamed my name for as long as the pain lasted.
Unlike shading with a tattoo, the pain of E is brief, the needle, a pause, the voltage, a pause, versus the constant shading of a tattoo needle, say on the inner arm or other tender spot.
Emotionally, seeing that she took off a good layer of upper stache sent me into euphorics. The last bit of my armor is coming off, just as my hair is regrowing, which allow me to evolve even further, which is the whole point of transition.
I have many more sessions to go, but I feel less afraid, for both E and my continued transition. I am looking forward to the next sesh.
I have continued to come out to folks (mostly all positive), and not feeling guilty, at all, about not coming out to everyone (fuck that, haters don’t need my joy). Coming out takes forever, besides, you are forever coming out, just as you are forever transitioning.
I am sick of cis people projecting their idea of transition and transness onto me, end of mini-rant.
I have a micro essay up at Hobart, which is one of the coolest English language lit mags out there.
Keep being queer. Follow the happy!
https://www.hobartpulp.com/web_features/through-the-clinic-i-pass
